A Soldier’s Letter to His Wife During The War on Christmas (Satire)

Dearest Mary,

I am writing from deep in the trenches of the great War on Christmas. War is hell, Mary. I lost my best friend today after hearing him wish someone “happy holidays.” I held him there in my arms and whispered “we can’t be friends anymore because you are a Godless heathen” – and just like that, he was gone.

We’re fighting our hardest, my love, but the enemy’s attacks on Christmas are relentless. Today alone they took out three nativity scenes. And while patrolling near a local elementary school, we saw one of their “holiday pageants,” in which Jesus Christ is only mentioned in SOME of the songs and not ALL of the songs! They’re using children as soldiers – children, Mary. It’s madness, I tell you, utter madness.

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